Harowine’s Haunting

•November 28, 2012 • Leave a Comment
HeroBrine stands behind CurleyFlakes ... in the real world!

R.I.P CurleyFlakes

By Jeffrey Bishop

Bloody Mary meets Minecraft.  Enjoy.

Tell Time: 6 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating: 3/5 Ghosts

“Game on!” Jackson said as he screamed down the stairs to his basement lair.  He grabbed his controller and powered on the flat-screen television and game system.  His favorite game, Mindkraft, loaded onto the screen.

“You have two friends waiting to join you,” read the on-screen dialogue. Jackson completed the rendezvous with Tyler and Gabe and loaded up a world of his own design.

“Lemme show you what I made last night,” Jackson said to his friends via chat as they joined him.  He led their on-screen avatars around the virtual world, showing off a small feudal village with a tall tower in the corner made from cooled, solidified lava.  The trio then descended into an abandoned mine that Jackson had converted to an art gallery.  Pixelated versions of more famous real-world productions adorned the walls.

“Nice, CurleyFlakes,” said Gabe, using Jackson’s gamertag as the tour led back to the virtual world’s surface.  “You’ve been busy!”

“Played all night,” Jackson boasted.  His on-screen character approached a small shrine just outside of the hole they’d emerged from.

“Wait a minute,” said Gabe, noticing — and recognizing — the artifact.  “That’s not a Harowine spawn shrine, is it?”

“Could be,” said Jackson coyly.  He pulled bones from his stockpile and dumped them into the fire.  He waited a few seconds, and when nothing happened, he did it again.

“Knock it off!” said Tyler, well aware of what Jackson was trying to do.  “Herobrine’s pure evil.  Why d’ya wanna bring him around?”

“I dunno,” said Jackson absently.  “I just think it’d be pretty cool to see if I could make him come around.  To see what he’d do.”  He tossed a few more bones into the fire before Gabe rushed his on-screen character and pushed him away from the shrine.

“You don’t know what you’re messing with,” said Gabe, jumping into the fray to get Tyler’s back.  Gabe didn’t take sides very often, and never did so by person.  But when he did pick sides, he did so on principle.

“Don’t you know that once you let him into one of your worlds, he can get into all of your worlds.  He’s bent on evil:  random destruction of all that you’ve worked so hard to create, morbid threats, and some say worse.  Much worse,” Gabe continued, ominously.  “And, he can’t be stopped.”

“Let’s get out of here, Gabe,” said Tyler; his avatar didn’t show the chill that had run up his back.

“Wait guys, don’t go!” said Jackson.  “I heard you, BaTtLeFrOg.  I was an idiot for messin’ with Harowine.  Let’s keep playing.  We can finish the colony we started the other day.”

“Ok, sure,” said Tyler, who played as the combat toad.  “I guess no harm’s been done — Harowine hasn’t shown up or anything, so I guess you didn’t make your shrine right.  Or else, maybe it is all just an urban myth.  But either way, it skeeves me out just to think about it.  Let’s get out of here!”

At that moment, Jackson saw a wooden sign appear in the ground behind Gabe’s character.  He wanted badly to read it, but he didn’t want his friends to freak out, so he took charge and quickly switched worlds.

“We’ll have a lot more fun in our colony,” he said.  “Without Harowine!” he added under his breath, nervously.

~

The boys began toiling away on their shared world.  Tyler set to work on paving the main pavilion, while Gabe built out the main hall.  Jackson busied himself on the villas that each would occupy in the virtual world.

“Hey, who tossed this chicken in here,” called Gabe from the hall.  The other boys were deep in their own work and didn’t really understand the seemingly random comment, so each ignored their mutual friend.

“What the heck?” Gabe called out again.  “Call off your crazy killer chickens!”

Both boys now were curious, and each ran to the hall from different directions.  Jackson stopped when he saw this sign in front of the hall:

Don’t be chickened, like PhantomWalrus95

The sign referred to Gabe’s gamertag.  But who had planted it and written the note?

“Get these chickens off me!” yelled Gabe desperately.  Just then, Tyler entered the hall to find at least 20 chickens angrily swarming Gabe and pecking at his avatar.  The boy’s life meter slowly drained while he tried desperately to slay his attackers.

“Jackson, we’re gonna need some help over here!” called Tyler as he, too, tried to take out the chicken horde.  Tyler was thankful that the chickens only lusted after Gabe’s blood, but when one of the boys would slay a chicken, it seemed as though three more appeared to replace it.

Jackson showed up and was initially stunned to find the hall filled with angry chickens — many dozens of them, all of them all over Gabe.  He hesitated for only a second, then joined the battle.  But it was too late.

“Guys, I’m dead!” Gabe exclaimed somberly.  “I’ve been pecked to death!”

Then, as mysteriously as they’d appeared, the many chickens disappeared, some by walking into others to become one chicken, some pecking others to death, and others just glitching out of the game.

“That is really bizarre …” said Tyler.  Gabe had a different thought.

“That had to be Harowine!” said Gabe. “Who else would have … could have … done it?”

“You might be right,” said Tyler.  “Spawn and get back in here and let’s finish our work. And then we might have to form a hunting party.”

Tyler returned to the patio to resume excavating the top layer of soil.

Jackson hesitated, trying to decide if he should share what he knew about the sign.  Harowine’s sign.

“Hey guys, why haven’t I re-spawned?” called Gabe across the chat.  Tyler stopped working to respond when he heard a “click.”

“What the … ?” was all he could utter before a chain reaction of TNT explosions took out Tyler and the entire pavilion project.

“Jackson!” Tyler yelled out to his friend.  He was clearly not amused by the destructive practical joke.  “What gives, booby trapping my work?!”

“Honestly, it wasn’t me,” was all Jackson could say.  He’d ran over to the pavilion as soon as he’d heard the explosion, but stopped at the latest sign left for him:

Boom goes the dynamite! Boom goes the BaTtLeFrOg!” it read.

“Guys, I’m kinda freaking out here,” said Jackson.  Clearly, Harowine wasn’t a myth, and he’d found a way into their safe colony.

“So am I,” said Tyler.  “I can’t re-spawn either!”

“Hey, what’s that behind you?” Gabe asked.  He’d screen peeked on Jackson and saw a wooden sign — a new wooden sign — behind Jackson’s avatar.

Jackson wheeled his character around from where it was facing to find a new wooden sign.  The three boys read it aloud together:

For Real:  Turn around.  Now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tyler asked.

Jackson turned to look behind him in his darkened basement.

“Oh my …” Jackson mumbled, before erupting in a panicked scream.  “Noooooooo!  How can you be real?  What do you want?!”

Jackson’s screen went blank.  When it did, his chat audio cut out, too.  Tyler and Gabe stared at their monitors and didn’t say a word.  Neither one knew what had just happened, or what to say about it.

~

The police classified Jackson”s case as a missing person — although they suspected that mischief and violence had befallen the boy.  His friends knew for certain that it had to be murder.  After all, the sole piece of evidence at the crime scene was a wooden sign set into the carpeted concrete basement floor.  It read:

R.I.P. CurleyFlakes.”

THE END

Copyright 2012

Let’s Eat Grandpa!

•November 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Lots of red commas

One of these just might save a life.

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  2 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  2/5 Ghosts

The Winscomb Family had much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  They had a warm, safe home and loving family with which to share the season.  Everyone was in good health, although Grandpa’s heart attack in the spring had certainly brought a scare to their safe, almost-perfect world.

Mom had just finished setting the table, while Dad was busy carving the turkey feast.  Part of his job, he was certain, was to also take frequent samples of the tender meat. “To make sure that it’s cooked well,” he pleaded to Mom as she scowled at him.

Robbie, 7, and Janie, 5, had helped with desserts and the bean salad, but Mom had put them onto making decorations from construction paper to keep them occupied and out from under foot.  As final preparations were under way, it was time to press the two into service yet again.

“Kids!” she called out from the next room where she folded the napkins for each place setting.  “Get Grandpa and Grandma.  Let’s eat!”

The kids dutifully obeyed, barrelling up the stairs to the guest bedroom where the senior Winscombs had retreated.  But as they set about their role, a strange trance came over them.

“Let’s eat Grandpa!  Let’s eat Grandma!” the two chanted in that endearing accent common to youngsters.  However, with glazed, red eyes and bared teeth in their salivating mouths, the elementary-aged pair were suddenly, decidely un-cute.  It was plain that the entranced children had a gamier, older holiday meat in mind all of a sudden.

Robbie peeled off the path and headed to his room to retrieve his Jr. Scout pocket knife from his footlocker, while the younger Janie went to her bedroom for plates, forks and an eerily sharp serrated plastic toy knife from her play kitchen.

“Let’s eat Grandpa!  Let’s eat Grandma!” the children continued chanting as they regrouped in the hallway and headed toward their grandparents’ room at the other end of the passageway.

“Let’s eat Grandpa!  Let’s eat Grandma!” they repeated as they opened the door  Across the room, Grandpa was laid out on the bed, snoring violently.  Robbie raised his knife and headed to one side of the bed, while Janie clacked her knife against the plates toward the other.

“Let’s eat Grandpa!  Let’s eat Grandma!”

As they closed in on dinner, Grandma rose out of the rocker near the window and reached into the candy bowl on the side table.  From it, she scooped out a few small red items and popped one into the mouth of each of her grand-monsters.

“Have some commas, little ones!” she said lovingly.  Grandpa woke up just as the youngsters came out of their trance.  He reached out to pull the two into a warm embrace.

“I’m so glad you kids are having Grandma and me for dinner,” said Grandpa.

“You have no idea, Wilfred!” said Grandma wryly, before turning her attention back to the children.

“Just remember your commas,” she lovingly scolded them. “And respect your Grammar, too.

“Now, let’s eat turkey!”

THE END

Copyright 2012

The Looky Loos

•November 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Woman holds eyeball

Was this what she was looking for?

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  3 minutes
Scare Rating:  4/5 Ghosts

Becca was getting annoyed.  Traffic was heavy on the eastbound road, and all she wanted was to be home and done with her day.

She’d fought hard with insufferable people already that day.  Also tired of fighting the rat race in the fast lane, she settled into the right-hand lane and snapped on the radio, hoping that drive-time music would settle her nerves.

“In local news, police are again at a loss in the Head-Hunting Bandit serial murder mystery,” the newscaster reported.  “A fifth victim was found today at Metro Savings and Loan.  The victim was decapitated, and just like the other four unsolved cases, the Bandit took today’s victim’s head.  The whereabouts of the murderer, and the victims’ heads, are not yet known.”

Unable to bear hearing that news, Becca snapped off the radio and gave a shudder.  She returned her attention to the road from the radio, and just in time, as the car next to her swerved in its lane, almost hitting Becca’s front fender before speeding off and away.  Becca could see a young girl in the back seat, her face plastered against the glass, staring back at Becca’s car.

“Freak!” Becca yelled at the girl, even though she knew they couldn’t hear her.  “What are you looking at?  Tell you mom to watch where she’s driving!”

Becca was mildly embarrassed at her outburst, and glanced around to see if anyone had noticed.  Another car had pulled alongside her, and its driver, a middle-aged man in a business suit, stared at her with his mouth agape, clearly in shock.

“What is wrong with people?” Becca asked aloud.  This time it was she who stepped on the gas. As she pulled ahead, she saw in her rear view mirror the man switch lanes and hastily exit the highway.

“Good riddance!” she muttered.  Becca really needed to get home.  With a heavy sigh, she realized she was at her exit, and left the highway and she hoped, all of the city’s voyeuristic drivers behind as well.

At last she was in her modest suburban subdivision.  She carefully wound her car down the curved streets, and smiled to see kids at play in the street-facing yards.  She was already feeling better.  That is, until she noticed that the kids — all of them that she passed — stopped playing and stared as her car went by.

“What is wrong with all the crazy looky-loos in this town?” Becca said aloud. She sped through the neighborhood and to her modest home.  She pulled into the garage and shut the door on the outside world.

“Safe at last!” she said.

Becca leaned over to the passenger seat and zipped open the vinyl Metro Savings and Loan bank deposit bag.  From the floorboards, she pulled up a black trash bag, heavy with the head of her former co-worker.

With her thumb, Becca pried the eyeballs out of the skull and dropped them alongside eight others rolling around in the bank bag.

Satisfied with her expanded collection, Becca tossed the head into the back window of her car and went into the seclusion of her home, where no one could stare at her any more that day.

THE END

Copyright 2012

What Would You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse?

•November 13, 2012 • 1 Comment
One man, a bag of Doritos, and his closest undead friends

Crunch all you want. We’ll breed more.

By Jeffrey Bishop

We’ve all played the game:

What one food would you want to have if it was the only food you could have for the rest of your life? Steak and Shake Double ‘N Cheese Steakburger.

Who is the one person you would want you want to have with you if you were stuck on a deserted island?  Jesus.  Besides being omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent and pretty much omni-everything, He’s a fantastic storyteller.  And our Saviour (NOT insignificant, on or off a deserted island).

What one weapon would you want to have should Red Dawn come to pass?  Nerf Alpha Trooper CS-18, but with real killing power, red dot sight, rapid fire and unlimited ammo.

What one thing would you want to have to survive the Zombie Apocalypse?  Either the Nerf Alpha for realz.  OR a bag of Doritos.

Given the right circumstances, not one of these is a rhetorical question.  Just ask Jeff Tilden, another metro St. Louisan who, along with his buddy Garrett Zaviglia and other living and undead friends, are vying for cash, fame and Super Bowl stardom for their 30-second spot with their take on the last scenario.

Click here to view all the contenders; Tilden’s vid — Dawn of the Last Dorito — is currently the top-rated at 3 1/2 stars and with more than 3,500 views.  Cast your vote and help them stay on top of the pile … of zombie horde corpses and of competitor videos!

THE END

Copyright 2012

As Scary as it Seems: The Big 3-0!

•November 8, 2012 • 1 Comment
Cake with red icing words of "the big 30!"

“Um, I hope that’s red icing?!”

By Jeffrey Bishop

Scurry Tails just hit a scary milestone:  the big 3-0!

While that mile marker of years on the road of life is indeed a scary one for most moms and dads, no one at Scurry Tails turned 30 (alas, for the eldest of us, that was some time ago!).  Indeed, the blog itself won’t trip 1 year on life’s odometer until January.  And yet we’ve got a lot to be scared about with this spooky number.  Here’s why:

The posting of The Zentai Phenomenon: A Serial Killer Digest marks our 30th original story!*  We couldn’t be more delighted … and frightened!

Here are some other spooky numbers:

Our first story:  The eponymous Scurry Tails

Most-featured creature:  Ghosts, featured in five of the 30 stories!

Other featured creatures, in order of number of appearances, include zombies, aliens, vampires, devils, werewolves and witches.

Highest Scare Rating: 4/5 Ghosts, in four stories to date … It’s got to be killing you to wonder when — or if — we’ll have a 5/5 Ghosts story!

Longest story:  The Zentai Phenomenon: A Serial Killer Digest, weighing in with a 15 minute Tell Time

Shortest story:  The Dog Box, with a Tell Time of only 1 minute

Percent of scary stories that are also humorous: 27%

It’s been a lot of fun and fear getting to 30.  Stay with us — if you dare — as we pile on, like rotted corpses in a zombie graveyard, an ever-growing host of additional spooky Scurry Tails!

* The 5 separate serial editions that make up The Zentai Phenomenon were not included in the count; nor were multiple versions of the same story: Short Cuts and Extended Cuts; nor were non-fiction posts.  We are celebrating pure, raw spookiness here!

The Zentai Phenomenon: A Serial Killer Digest

•November 3, 2012 • Leave a Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon: A Serial Killer Digest, is so named because it was originally published as a series of postings  from Oct. 14-Nov. 1, 2012.  The series used a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events the story represents.  Here, find the entire series in one posting.  

Tell Time:  15 minutes
Scare Rating:  2/5 Ghosts

Zentai Craze Causes a New ‘Run’ on Body Stockings

By Rich Donaldson

CHICAGO (PA News, Oct. 14, 2012) — The zentai phenomenon is literally covering the nation, as children, teens and young adults seek out — within increasing futility — the latest costume craze.

A lack of supply is leading to extreme frustration by those trying to find the garb in the weeks leading up to Halloween.  Zentai outfits are a cultural import from Asia and are a staple of the performance theater and cosplay, or costume-play, communities.  The form-fitting full-body stockings are typically made in bright, solid colors from spandex-like materials.

“They’re just awesome, because you can be a plain old zentai foot soldier, or you can dress up on top of the zentai suit,” said Rob Masterson, a 7th grade student at White Hill Middle School.  “That makes them perfect for Halloween.  Just add a Stetson and some boots and a lasso, and you can be a zentai cowboy like me!”

Melissa, a senior at Rockville High School and the cheer team captain, has been canvassing city costumers, seeking a maroon costume to match her school colors for next week’s homecoming game.

“I haven’t been able to find maroon.  I saw plenty of them in the shops this spring, but I never would have thought they’d sell out of them!” she said.  “I bought a couple other suits in other colors while I still could, in case I find someone who wants to trade with me.  But now I think I can get a lot of cash for these!”

Bob Cagney, of Cagney’s Costumes, said that while the costumes are just another fad, it’s one that has been profitable for him — to a point.

“Every time I get a shipment, they sell out,” said Cagney.  “It’s great, but it ain’t, because I can’t tell you when I’ll get more of them in.  And while the fad is hot, no one’s buying anything else.  You know how many gorilla costumes I got in the warehouse?  A zillion?  No one wants to be a gorilla.  If anything, they want to be a blue gorilla; a guy in a blue zentai with a gorilla mask on.  It’s killing us!”

Cagney indicated that his distributor for the zentai suits is Xeno Imports, a company apparently shrouded in mystery.  Retail costumers like Cagney and others indicate that they’d never heard of or worked with Xeno before mid-summer, but now work exclusively with the firm for their zentai costume needs.

“None of those other suits are like Xeno’s zentai suits,” said Ed Horton, owner of the Scare Shack chain of seasonal Halloween superstores.  “Xeno’s suits don’t seem to stain or rip, and they’re warm to the touch and they fit onto your skin just like it was your own skin.  It isn’t like spandex or nylon; it’s something special that they came up with themselves.  And the kids know the difference.”

Of the 22 costumers in the Chicago area that we spoke to for this story, each one reported that their relationship with the distributor started with a single complementary shipment of 6 suits — one in each primary rainbow color.  Once the suits sold out — which normally happened the same day they were put out on the floor — a Xeno sales representative would show up and lock in follow-on orders — an easy prospect given their explosive popularity.

“The suits are real cool,” said Dan Pulver, a Scare Shack manager, “and so are their reps.  They glide in, tell you how many they think you need, tell you when you can expect them, and glide out.  They don’t even want payment for the suits up front; they want them on purchase order only.  They say they want happy retailers, and they know their products are going to move.  It was working out great until the shipments slowed to a trickle.

But the logistics slow-down isn’t limited to just the Scare Shack.  All calls to the only phone number available for Xeno Imports went unanswered.  Cagney said that’s a typical response from the company, which to his experience — an experience shared by all the other companies that we spoke with — only deal through their cadre of mysterious field representatives.

Cagney said he worries that Xeno has nefarious intentions this Halloween season: that the company might be manipulating inventories to drive up demand — and prices.

“I just hope we get a big box in here in the next week to prove me wrong,” said Cagney grimly.  “Otherwise, it’s going to be a really scary Halloween for us.”

###

A distorted face through zentai material

Material in Zentai Suits Offers Promise to Military, Medical Research

By Jack Johansen

ROCKVILLE, Md. (PA News, Oct. 22, 2012) — The break-through material behind a Halloween costume fad that is sweeping the nation holds incredible promise for a variety of industries, including the military and medicine.

The material in question is found in the colorful zentai full-body stocking costumes distributed by Xeno Imports. Beyond bright colors, a body-hugging fit and a full-body cut, no other zentai costume has the same characteristic material sought by leading researchers in a variety of fields.

While the military itself is being coy about its research, the applications of which would capitalize on the features of the material, analysts told us that the Xeno material has a host of possible military applications.

“We believe our armed forces are exploring the Zentai material for its potential in uniforms, from revolutionary new camouflage systems to lightweight body armor that can be integrated into regular uniforms instead of worn on top, where today’s systems weigh a soldier down and restrict movement,” said Tammy Johnson, senior analyst at the defense think tank PKI.

“We even hear that the Air Force is looking into the material as a skin for their aircraft,” Johnson added. “If the promise of the lightweight, strong and durable fabric holds true — especially if there is an added stealth benefit to its refractive powers — then we could see increases in speed and performance in these aircraft on a scale that would put us into a fifth generation of fighter jets — based on the skin alone.”

Some had speculated that the mystery material originated in the defense arena and leaked into the commercial arena where it was quickly adopted by costumers, but Johnson refutes that.

“This is one of those rare instances where the commercial sector beat defense to a new technology,” she said. “Defense researchers around the globe — in Great Britain, Germany, Israel, Russia, Syria, India, China and Japan — are all experimenting with the material. They all know it has wide applicability, and all of them want to exploit it to a military advantage.”

Indeed, it’s perhaps demand by global military powers that is driving demand and keeping costumers short-handed this Halloween season.

Clinical researchers are also affecting supply and demand, by also exploring the possibilities of the cloth.

Reed Hoskins, a medical research fellow at Witt Maltheau Memorial Hospital in Baltimore, is exploring the fabric as a proxy for human skin for use in medical grafts and for suturing surgical and non-surgical wounds.

“It’s still early yet, but we’ve been able to show in a petri dish that natural skin accepts the Xeno graft,” said Hoskins.  “This solution prevents taking natural skin from other parts of the body — which causes injury, risk of infection and disfigurement at that site.

“If it works in clinical trials, our next step will be to ensure we have proper zentai colors on hand to prevent a burn victim from having a big purple patch on his face for the rest of his life,” he added.

###

Xeno Zentai Suits Push Parkour to New Highs

By William Reeves

LOS ANGELES (PA News, Oct. 29, 2012) — Parkour athletes are jumping for joy — sometimes as high as 20 feet now — based on the increase in performance they say they’ve attained from zentai suits distributed by Xeno Imports.

Parkour is a contemporary urban sport where young athletes maneuver across architectural obstacles — across, up and over walls or roofs, handrails or other city features, often in a race or in freestyle competition to see who can do the most extreme moves.

Historically, this sport has been performed in urban wear, but for a group of South L.A. traceurs who are big on the international scene, the discovery of high-performance zentai suits has upped their skill and athletic capabilities, along with their style.

Cho Li, a newer traceur with the High-Low Crew, introduced his mentors to the suits, and quickly demonstrated their performance potential.

“I was getting much better than when I’d first joined the crew,’ sad Li, “but I was always at the back of the crew, struggling to keep up and to do even the most basic moves of the line of guys in front of me.  But the Xeno gave me strength and balance and speed that I didn’t have before.  I passed half the crew on the run that first day!”

“Yeah, but now that we’ve all got the Xeno’s, you’re back at the back of the pack again,” interjected Danny, a more senior traceur, with affectionate good will toward the hodanna. “Seriously, though, we’re ALL better athletes for these zentai suits,” he added.

With more than six years experience under his belt, or suit, Danny had already invented a small handful of freestyle tricks, including the whip jump and the wall walker.  But the Xeno zentai suits, have allowed him to expand his creative powers.

By his own report, and validated by a demonstration, Danny’s invented three new moves in the two weeks that he’s had his suit, including his new-now-signature ceiling climb, where he climbs up a wall and continues across a ceiling — perhaps across the underside of an overhang — and can tak at least three steps before losing grip and falling — or, most often, by reaching the other side.

“I’ve always tried to push the edge of parkour, and if I’m not learning someone else’s badcan moves, I’m tangoing my own.,” he said.

While the Xeno suits have already dramatically changed the sport in only a few weeks since they came on the scene, there are a few parkour purists who reject anything that alters the raw human skill and power that formerly was all that was present, and necessary, to compete.

Ri-Sky, from cross-town Long Beach rival crew StreetKrabs, is one of those skeptics — or “haters,” according to Cho Li.

“I’ve never used gloves.  They have these new footie shoes.  Now there’s the panty-hose suits in rainbow colors?  We don’t need that junk!”

As if to underscore his point, Ri-Sky jumped from the ground to the top of a six-foot wall, then back to the ground where he landed on his hands.  Admittedly, it was an impressive moved — but based on this reporter’s research, the move begged the question: what might it have been like had Ri-Sky been wearing a Xeno?

While the thrill of mastering incredibly difficult new athletic moves is its own high, athletes like Danny and Chi report that the Xeno suits give a high of their own; a subtle but everpresent peace and euphoria that is so pervasive that Danny no longer removes his Xeno.

“Why would I?” he asked no one in particular.  “It’s a part of me and part of who I am now.”

###

Who Isn’t Wearing Xeno This Halloween?!

Trick-or-treaters dressed in zentai / morphsuits

WICHITA FALLS, TX (PA NEWS,Oct. 31, 2012) — Four young town residents prepare to embark on their Halloween trick-or-treating adventure here. The four — and apparently all town residents under the age of 18 — are decked out in zentai bodysuits from Xeno Imports. The suits are an incredible fashion fad for this year’s Halloween season: they were virtually unknown six weeks ago, practically unattainable six days ago, and impossibly ubiquitous today. Though a clear mystery exists in the life cycle of the suits as this year’s “must have” costume, these boys are clearly happy — though their masked expressions belie it — to have the suits! (Photo by 3Bishops)

###

A pair of empty zentai suits on the floor

A pair of empty Xeno zentai suits on the floor of a local family with two missing children. Open and empty, the gaping maw of the suits “makes a mockery of our pain, showing us where our children were, where our children should be,” said the mother of the missing children, who wanted to remain unidentified. (Staff Photo)

‘Zentai Phenomenon’ Claims World’s Youth; Skeptics and Scholars Agree:  Alien Conspiracy Confirmed

By Janet Willem

PORTLAND, Ore. (PA News, Nov. 1, 2012) Millions of families around the world today are dealing with the aftermath of the too-true Halloween horror that’s being called the Zentai Phenomenon.

While details remain sketchy, what is known at this time is that possibly 3 billion youth worldwide — between the ages of 6 and 18 according to officials — have disappeared from the planet. An entire generation gone overnight, seemingly bewitched into oblivion.

“My babies are gone!” wailed Tammy Carruthers, a toll booth operator and mother of three children:  boys ages 9 and 11 and a girl, 14.  “Who’s taken my babies?!”

Carruthers’ story is repeatable across every U.S. ZIP code and across both oceans.  The only common element is that each missing child left behind a colorful zentai bodysuit costume.  Witnesses report finding suits in the exact place and pose of their children the last time they were seen.

Government officials are reluctant to go on the record to speculate about the world-wide incident, but one United Nations analyst divulged that all the suits involved in the case were sourced to Xeno Imports.  The company, a mysterious global concern that emerged from nowhere mere months ago, has a large if shadowy sales and distribution force that catapulted the bodysuit craze onto the world trend scene just in time for Halloween 2012.

Local officials were mum about events that transpired overnight, “under orders from the highest levels of our government,” said Sgt. Dan Hoskins of the Portland Police Department.

The only other other official statement we could gather by our publication deadline came from Ross Hamilton, a father of two and an FBI agent, who validated a number of formal and informal complaints about Xeno Imports before his supervisor could drag him away.

“What does anyone know about these guys, besides this:  they didn’t exist this time last year; they have zero accountability to anyone — including governments, shareholders, or even customers,” said the agent.  “They’re bad news, and we’re going to take them down, and we’re going to get our children back!”

While government agents won’t yet speak to the situation on the record, there are others who will.

Conspiracy theorists like Marc Adams generally don’t need a new “something” to get suspicious about; there are plenty of existing fringe notion ideas to pursue: in the history of Atlantis, in the Free Masons movement, at Area 51 and on the grassy knoll.  But the Xeno suits threat has this small but vocal fringe community excited … and even scared.

Adams, leader of the conspiracy theory bunking group Xnow (pronounced “know”) based here, said he has irrefutable proof that the Xeno suits are of alien origin and of nefarious intent.

“We’ve got an agent from Xeno who has defected to us and revealed their plot,” said Adams.  “What we’ve been able to ascertain from him is that it was simply a harvest; that they cultivated a large crop of what is nourishing and delicious to them — young humans — and took them away by the bushel-full.”

Adams wouldn’t — or couldn’t — answer where the aliens came from, how they got here and how they pulled off the heist; he also wouldn’t produce his Xeno rat, or even disclose whether the informant from the import company was human or alien. The lack of “hard” evidence for this reporter’s questions, however, didn’t stop the conspiracy theorist from stridently advocating his thesis.

“A look at the literature shows dozens of accounts of aliens in skin-tight, thin, shiny and multi-colored garb,” said Adams as he laid out books, artists sketches and eyewitness accounts of alien contact through the ages.  “Fully half of these accounts ascribe some degree of symbiosis or performance enhancement — the same results we’re seeing in young athletes who have adopted these suits today.”

Reno Simmons, a professor of anthropology at the University of Santa Fe and a leading expert on conspiracy theories, said he initially doubted the claims about Xeno, and was actively working to debunk them for about a week when he made a discovery that, well, made his skin crawl.

“I had the notion to take a sample of the Xeno fabric and look at it under a microscope.  This material doesn’t have the properties of cloth; it looks — and behaves — more like skin.  Like living skin!”

However, Simmons demurred when pressed to show this effect.

“I don’t have the fabric anymore; it mysteriously disappeared the night that I tested it.”  Unlike Adams, however, the scholar agreed to send additional evidence:  video of the microscopic view of the fabric.  Our independent review of the footage, conducted with some haste today with a forensics fabric expert and a coroner’s assistant, validated Simmons’ claim that the material is organic flesh, but decidedly not human.

“Yeah, sure, it’s alien,” said John Simpson, of the Multnomah County Coroner’s office.  “I guess the trick’s on us, and our kiddos are the treat.”

While the children of Earth are gone, and the world is left with nothing but horror in the wake of their mass disappearance, the mystery remains. Gazing into the open maw of a now-
empty Xeno zentai suit, one prays that the children are o.k. wherever they are, while knowing inside that they can’t be.

(Compiled from staff and wire reports)

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click the following links to read more stories of threatening visits from Xenon:

Only the Good Die Young

Black Friday

We’re Coming to Get You!

The Zentai Phenomenon: Serial Killer No. 5: the Finale

•November 1, 2012 • Leave a Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon brings back the serial storytelling style, which peaked in popularity in the daily newspapers and weekly magazines of the early 20th Century, prior to the advent of a large and literate middle class and inexpensive printing of books — and particularly, of paperback books.  This serial presents a standard Scurry Tails short story, but will do so over time between Oct. 14 and Nov. 1.  The series will use a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events it represents.  Come back often or click Follow to be sure to receive each new posting in the story as it’s published!

A pair of empty zentai suits on the floor

A pair of empty Xeno zentai suits on the floor of a local family with two missing children. Open and empty, the gaping maw of the suits “makes a mockery of our pain, showing us where our children were, where our children should be,” said the mother of the missing children, who wanted to remain unidentified. (Staff Photo)

 Tell Time:  5 minutes
Scare Rating:  2/5 Ghosts

‘Zentai Phenomenon’ Claims World’s Youth; Skeptics and Scholars Agree:  Alien Conspiracy Confirmed

By Janet Willem

PORTLAND, Ore. (PA News, Nov. 1, 2012) Millions of families around the world today are dealing with the aftermath of the too-true Halloween horror that’s being called the Zentai Phenomenon.

While details remain sketchy, what is known at this time is that possibly 3 billion youth worldwide — between the ages of 6 and 18 according to officials — have disappeared from the planet. An entire generation gone overnight, seemingly bewitched into oblivion.

“My babies are gone!” wailed Tammy Carruthers, a toll booth operator and mother of three children:  boys ages 9 and 11 and a girl, 14.  “Who’s taken my babies?!”

Carruthers’ story is repeatable across every U.S. ZIP code and across both oceans.  The only common element is that each missing child left behind a colorful zentai bodysuit costume.  Witnesses report finding suits in the exact place and pose of their children the last time they were seen.

Government officials are reluctant to go on the record to speculate about the world-wide incident, but one United Nations analyst divulged that all the suits involved in the case were sourced to Xeno Imports.  The company, a mysterious global concern that emerged from nowhere mere months ago, has a large if shadowy sales and distribution force that catapulted the bodysuit craze onto the world trend scene just in time for Halloween 2012.

Local officials were mum about events that transpired overnight, “under orders from the highest levels of our government,” said Sgt. Dan Hoskins of the Portland Police Department.

The only other other official statement we could gather by our publication deadline came from Ross Hamilton, a father of two and an FBI agent, who validated a number of formal and informal complaints about Xeno Imports before his supervisor could drag him away.

“What does anyone know about these guys, besides this:  they didn’t exist this time last year; they have zero accountability to anyone — including governments, shareholders, or even customers,” said the agent.  “They’re bad news, and we’re going to take them down, and we’re going to get our children back!”

While government agents won’t yet speak to the situation on the record, there are others who will.

Conspiracy theorists like Marc Adams generally don’t need a new “something” to get suspicious about; there are plenty of existing fringe notion ideas to pursue: in the history of Atlantis, in the Free Masons movement, at Area 51 and on the grassy knoll.  But the Xeno suits threat has this small but vocal fringe community excited … and even scared.

Adams, leader of the conspiracy theory bunking group Xnow (pronounced “know”) based here, said he has irrefutable proof that the Xeno suits are of alien origin and of nefarious intent.

“We’ve got an agent from Xeno who has defected to us and revealed their plot,” said Adams.  “What we’ve been able to ascertain from him is that it was simply a harvest; that they cultivated a large crop of what is nourishing and delicious to them — young humans — and took them away by the bushel-full.”

Adams wouldn’t — or couldn’t — answer where the aliens came from, how they got here and how they pulled off the heist; he also wouldn’t produce his Xeno rat, or even disclose whether the informant from the import company was human or alien. The lack of “hard” evidence for this reporter’s questions, however, didn’t stop the conspiracy theorist from stridently advocating his thesis.

“A look at the literature shows dozens of accounts of aliens in skin-tight, thin, shiny and multi-colored garb,” said Adams as he laid out books, artists sketches and eyewitness accounts of alien contact through the ages.  “Fully half of these accounts ascribe some degree of symbiosis or performance enhancement — the same results we’re seeing in young athletes who have adopted these suits today.”

Reno Simmons, a professor of anthropology at the University of Santa Fe and a leading expert on conspiracy theories, said he initially doubted the claims about Xeno, and was actively working to debunk them for about a week when he made a discovery that, well, made his skin crawl.

“I had the notion to take a sample of the Xeno fabric and look at it under a microscope.  This material doesn’t have the properties of cloth; it looks — and behaves — more like skin.  Like living skin!”

However, Simmons demurred when pressed to show this effect.

“I don’t have the fabric anymore; it mysteriously disappeared the night that I tested it.”  Unlike Adams, however, the scholar agreed to send additional evidence:  video of the microscopic view of the fabric.  Our independent review of the footage, conducted with some haste today with a forensics fabric expert and a coroner’s assistant, validated Simmons’ claim that the material is organic flesh, but decidedly not human.

“Yeah, sure, it’s alien,” said John Simpson, of the Multnomah County Coroner’s office.  “I guess the trick’s on us, and our kiddos are the treat.”

While the children of Earth are gone, and the world is left with nothing but horror in the wake of their mass disappearance, the mystery remains. Gazing into the open maw of a now-empty Xeno zentai suit, one prays that the children are o.k. wherever they are, while knowing inside that they can’t be.

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click here to read the previous story installment. Click here to read the first story installment.

The Zentai Phenomenon: Serial Killer No. 4

•October 31, 2012 • Leave a Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon brings back the serial storytelling style, which peaked in popularity in the daily newspapers and weekly magazines of the early 20th Century, prior to the advent of a large and literate middle class and inexpensive printing of books — and particularly, of paperback books.  This serial presents a standard Scurry Tails short story, but will do so over time between Oct. 14 and Nov. 1.  The series will use a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events it represents.  Come back often or click Follow to be sure to receive each new posting in the story as it’s published!

Who Isn’t Wearing Xeno This Halloween?!

Trick-or-treaters dressed in zentai / morphsuits

WICHITA FALLS, TX (PA NEWS,Oct. 31, 2012) — Four young town residents prepare to embark on their Halloween trick-or-treating adventure here. The four — and apparently all town residents under the age of 18 — are decked out in zentai bodysuits from Xeno Imports. The suits are an incredible fashion fad for this year’s Halloween season:  they were virtually unknown six weeks ago, practically unattainable six days ago, and impossibly ubiquitous today. Though a clear mystery exists in the life cycle of the suits as this year’s “must have” costume, these boys are clearly happy — though their masked expressions belie it — to have the suits! (Photo by 3Bishops)

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click here to read the previous story installment. Click here to read the first story installment.

The Zentai Phenomenon: Serial Killer No. 3

•October 29, 2012 • Leave a Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon brings back the serial storytelling style, which peaked in popularity in the daily newspapers and weekly magazines of the early 20th Century, prior to the advent of a large and literate middle class and inexpensive printing of books — and particularly, of paperback books.  This serial presents a standard Scurry Tails short story, but will do so over time between Oct. 14 and Nov. 1.  The series will use a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events it represents.  Come back often or click Follow to be sure to receive each new posting in the story as it’s published!

Tell Time:  3 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  1/5 Ghosts

Xeno Zentai Suits Push Parkour to New Highs

By William Reeves

LOS ANGELES (PA News, Oct. 29, 2012) — Parkour athletes are jumping for joy — sometimes as high as 20 feet now — based on the increase in performance they say they’ve attained from zentai suits distributed by Xeno Imports.

Parkour is a contemporary urban sport where young athletes maneuver across architectural obstacles — across, up and over walls or roofs, handrails or other city features, often in a race or in freestyle competition to see who can do the most extreme moves.

Historically, this sport has been performed in urban wear, but for a group of South L.A. traceurs who are big on the international scene, the discovery of high-performance zentai suits has upped their skill and athletic capabilities, along with their style.

Cho Li, a newer traceur with the High-Low Crew, introduced his mentors to the suits, and quickly demonstrated their performance potential.

“I was getting much better than when I’d first joined the crew,’ sad Li, “but I was always at the back of the crew, struggling to keep up and to do even the most basic moves of the line of guys in front of me.  But the Xeno gave me strength and balance and speed that I didn’t have before.  I passed half the crew on the run that first day!”

“Yeah, but now that we’ve all got the Xeno’s, you’re back at the back of the pack again,” interjected Danny, a more senior traceur, with affectionate good will toward the hodanna. “Seriously, though, we’re ALL better athletes for these zentai suits,” he added.

With more than six years experience under his belt, or suit, Danny had already invented a small handful of freestyle tricks, including the whip jump and the wall walker.  But the Xeno zentai suits, have allowed him to expand his creative powers.

By his own report, and validated by a demonstration, Danny’s invented three new moves in the two weeks that he’s had his suit, including his new-now-signature ceiling climb, where he climbs up a wall and continues across a ceiling — perhaps across the underside of an overhang — and can tak at least three steps before losing grip and falling — or, most often, by reaching the other side.

“I’ve always tried to push the edge of parkour, and if I’m not learning someone else’s badcan moves, I’m tangoing my own.,” he said.

While the Xeno suits have already dramatically changed the sport in only a few weeks since they came on the scene, there are a few parkour purists who reject anything that alters the raw human skill and power that formerly was all that was present, and necessary, to compete.

Ri-Sky, from cross-town Long Beach rival crew StreetKrabs, is one of those skeptics — or “haters,” according to Cho Li.

“I’ve never used gloves.  They have these new footie shoes.  Now there’s the panty-hose suits in rainbow colors?  We don’t need that junk!”

As if to underscore his point, Ri-Sky jumped from the ground to the top of a six-foot wall, then back to the ground where he landed on his hands.  Admittedly, it was an impressive moved — but based on this reporter’s research, the move begged the question: what might it have been like had Ri-Sky been wearing a Xeno?

While the thrill of mastering incredibly difficult new athletic moves is its own high, athletes like Danny and Chi report that the Xeno suits give a high of their own; a subtle but everpresent peace and euphoria that is so pervasive that Danny no longer removes his Xeno.

“Why would I?” he asked no one in particular.  “It’s a part of me and part of who I am now.”

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click here to read the previous story installment. Click here to read the first story installment.

Frankenstorm! — an Origins Story

•October 28, 2012 • 1 Comment
Satellite image of 2012's Hurricane Sandy

Frankenstorm, from the vantage point of space. She’s one angry monster!
(Original black and white image courtesy of NASA’s Earth Observatory)

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time: 7 minutes
Scare Rating: 2/5
Ghosts

We hope this story provides some entertainment, perhaps most of all to those who might be shut in or otherwise affected by Hurricane Sandy.  Our prayers are with everyone in the path of this incredible, too-real storm: that you fare it well and safely!

Dr. Mark Shelley was convicted to do something to cure the drought that had afflicted the nation since early summer. As Halloween approached, he saw opportunity in the mix of his lifelong work and natural occurring phenomena in the environment.

He’d been researching weather and climate his entire career as a meteorologist, and knew he was close to making a breakthrough on weather control. The scientific advances that he was pursuing had the potential to save millions of lives globally, by ensuring that mankind could create the optimal weather conditions anywhere, at any time, for growing crops needed to sustain an exploding human population.

He knew the formula — the right mix of elements to combine. They were the same elements that Mother Nature brought together to create weather: moisture, air flow, air pressure, heat, particulate matter and electrical charge. The challenge for humankind — Dr. Shelley’s present challenge — was getting these ingredients to the same place at the same time in sufficient quantities to create the desired weather effect.

In the week leading up to Halloween, Providence and Dr. Shelley’s life work had perhaps created an opportunity to demonstrate in a practical sense the theories that he’d been advancing for years. The drought afflicting the central midwest was severe and ongoing, but a fall hurricane system — Hurricane Sandy — presented the opportunity he needed to prove the concept beyond computer models and thesis reports.

“We’ve got half the factors at hand that we need to bring large quantities of rain to the midwest,” he explained to his colleague, Dr. Mary Stein. “We’ve been given a large hurricane off the East Coast. Its size alone is necessary to help the entire midwest, and not just pockets of area.

“Sandy’s weakened to a category 1, which means it can be beneficial as a rainmaker, without being destructive,” Dr. Shelley continued, using computer models to illustrate his case. “The only catch as I see it is that she’s moving out to sea. But I think we can steer her back to the U.S. — straight into the heartland — with our seeding process.”

Dr. Stein had worked with Dr. Shelley for the past 5 years, and believed that his work held great promise. But she was much more a realist than her mentor, and was perhaps more aware than he of the blind spots he had in his zeal for his life’s work.

“Are we certain in the safety of this approach?” she asked. “Did you account for the full moon in your calculations? The coastal tides will be almost a foot higher, and will last hours longer, due to the lunar phase.”

“The tidal pattern will simply further load the weakening system with rain as it comes ashore,” replied Dr. Shelley with characteristic confidence — or perhaps overconfidence. “Remember, we need a real soaker of a system to improve drought conditions in the farm belt.”

“What about the auroras? Dr. Stein interjected. “Solar activity is at an unprecedented high. If we steer the storm over the midwest, we’ll steer it right into the magnetic storm. The northern lights might react with the particulate matter in unpredictable ways.”

“We’re on the back-end of that cycle,” Dr. Shelley responded. “Minimal risk.”

“Ok, but what about our particulate matter?” said Dr. Stein of the materials the scientists used to seed clouds and to steer storms by leading them to where they are most needed. “We know from smaller scale experiments in the past that we need highly organic matter. The sands and dusts we’ve tried don’t do a thing; only sediments with high carbon content from organic sources seems to work.”

“I’ve got that covered, as well,” came Dr. Shelley’s retort. The weather guru sounded slightly annoyed at his colleague’s continued well-intentioned line of questions. “We’ve got all the soil from the Swamplands highway dig at our disposal.”

Dr. Stein’s shock was visible. The Swamplands project had been halted due to concerns from the archeology community and from Native American groups that it violated sacred lands that had been the final resting place of indigenous populations for thousands of years.

“The government wants us to use this stuff; after all, no one can contest what isn’t around any more,” said Dr. Shelley with wry humor. “I’ve tested the matter, and it’s rich in organics — just what we need.

“And if you’re concerned about the presence of supernatural effects, don’t be,” said Dr. Shelley, anticipating his co-worker’s chief concern. “Nevermind that you and I are on different sides of the metaphysical issue, but even if there was a spiritual world to contend with, I think our processing of the soil would remove any, would you say … “unnatural” effect?

Dr. Stein was clearly conflicted. She believed in the promise of her mentor’s work. But she knew that his approach — and his compromised morality on the issue of respecting the sacred rights — and perhaps also the power — of the dead.  And there was something vaguely, horrifyingly familiar about the idea of combining discrete and deceased organic life in a cauldron of electrical energy, and of dabbling in primary creative forces of the universe.  Based on this familiar but unnamable recollection, Dr. Stein didn’t think things would turn out well with the experiment.

“I can’t be of further help to you, Dr. Shelley,” said the protegé, as tears welled in her eyes.  “Not this way.  And not with so much at risk.”

“I truly regret your decision, for this night, and our creation, will be historic!” the senior scientist said.

“We start at midnight, with or without you!”

~

The destruction was extreme and widespread. The rainmaker, meant to be a savior for the midwest and the key to ending drought, famine and death worldwide, was quickly dubbed Frankenstorm, due to its coincidence with Halloween and its incredible size and strength, not to mention its unscrupled and unrelenting assault on the entire Eastern half of the U.S. The storm surge alone wiped out every populated coastal city from the Carolinas to New England. A week-long blizzard assailed populations in the Appalachians, with roads impassable for more than a month.  Only those with sufficient rations survived.  The storm spawned hundreds of deadly tornadoes that caused further damage across the heartland, while lake surges caused additional flooding in coastal cities around all the Great Lakes.

In 10 days time, more than 20 million Americans had perished, and tens of thousands more were affected in a significant way.  The seat of U.S. government relocated to St. Louis while disaster relief and recovery commenced as soon as possible.

Though tragic and bizarre, most of the population believed the storm to be a natural and freak weather occurrence that perhaps mankind indirectly contributed to due to pollution and its effect on global warming. Conspiracy theorists, however, were well aware of Dr. Shelley’s work, and though benevolent in intent, they rightly suspected government collusion and support in the unnatural storm.

This suspicion was somewhat borne out, as Frankenstorm did not peter out after landfall as other inland hurricanes do.  Instead, she moved across the country’s midsection and then north over Canada to settle over the Arctic Circle in a smaller, weaker, but apparently persistent if not permanent form.  Over that winter, she swelled in size and intensity with each new magnetic storm-fed aurora.  The conspiracy theorists alleged that Sandy had sentience; that the supernatural essence of the tribal nations that seeded her path inland gave the terrible storm consciousness — life — in Dr. Shelley’s creative hands.

Dr. Shelley was wracked with guilt over the incident, and almost immediately went mad — truly becoming the “mad scientist” he’d seemed to be as he zealously pursued his folly. He was committed to an insane asylum, where he nervously eyed the daily changes to the weather in his padded cell, through a tiny six-by-nine-inch window to the outside world.

Dr. Stein was forced to take a different research focus in weather control.  With a desperation not unlike that of her mentor’s, Mary Stein’s work was now devoted to understanding — and with hope, defeating or at least controlling — the Frankenstorm weather monster that she had helped Dr. Shelley to bring to life.

THE END

Copyright 2012