Trick or Treat — Gone Batty!

•October 27, 2012 • Leave a Comment
A finished bat-shaped center of gravity wing

Great treaters don’t get tricked — give your local spooksters a fun bonus treat to be happy about!

By Jeffrey Bishop

Call it a craft, call it an experiment, call it a rainy-day-afternoon-filler or a hands-on classroom science lesson.

Or for Halloween this year, you might want to call it a treat for your visiting trick-or-treaters!

As a bonus treat for door-knocking Halloween cosplayers, consider printing a stack of these Center of Gravity Wing Templates to hand out along with — or instead of — the sugary prizes.  Just send the PDF file to your favorite quick-print shop and have them run you off a stack of 100 on orange cardstock for your visiting ghouls and goblins!

Click here for the full post for this project.

Happy treating!

THE END

Copyright 2012

Getting Our Creative On

•October 27, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Writing workshop

The youngest Bishop works out his creative energy on while J.R. draws Enormous Man for the StudioSTL writing workshop.

By Jeffrey Bishop

The youngest Bishop gets his creative on at a local writing workshop.  Thanks to Beth of StudioSTL, A.J. at Star Clipper in the Del Mar Loop and J.R. Robinson, one of the artists who helped with today’s character design exercises!  Update:  J.R. also created a one-of-a-kind monster pic for the 3Bishops that inspired Monster Fruition — click the link to read the story and to see the art.

THE END

Copyright 2012

Bloody Diet!

•October 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Fruit bat hanging from a tree

Vlad: One. Big. Bat.
(Photo credit: ksbuehler)

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  3 minutes
Scare Rating:  2/5 Ghosts

Vlad felt famished.  In the pre-dawn hours, the creature of the night perched upside down in a tree in the city park.  On the sagging branch, he  pondered his last bloodmeal — a Guernsey heifer — and worried that he might not make it overday to his next meal.

“This diet is killing me,” he thought, “except that I’m already undead!”

Vlad wasn’t a small creature; indeed, in bat form, he more closely resembled a fruit bat than a small and sleek vampire bat.

As the eastern sky lightened to a dark shade of blue, Vlad resolved to return to his lair to try to sleep off the hunger pangs.  That was his plan, anyway, until his keen hearing picked up the soft padding of an approaching walker.  Tuning in to the sound, his eyes sensed a man of medium build, being led around the park trail by a small dog.

Vlad dropped from the branch in a cloud of leaves that shook loose as the branch recoiled.  As he swooped to where the man and his dog were walking, he transformed into his undead human-like form, dressed out in the formal regalia of 18th century nobility.

“Good morning, Breakfast!” Vlad said to the stunned walker.  The man’s pet, an angry Chihuahua, strained at its leash in a feeble attempt to fend off the supernatural assailant.

“Who are you?  What do you want?” asked the man once he’d sufficiently recovered himself.  The dog, still growling and barking at the monster, clearly wanted to know the same thing.

“Does your bacon and eggs know your name?” Vlad replied.  “You don’t need to know anything more than your Maker.  Whom you are about to meet after I drain your blood!”

“Wait, you’re a vampire?” asked the man in awe.  Noticing the unnatural man’s unnatural girth, and knowing well that he had nothing to lose, he added, “what village did you drink?”

Vlad looked sheepishly down at his patent black shoes; if he could have blushed, he would have shown his deep embarrassment at the insult.  He composed himself to give a dignified reply.

“I do, indeed, struggle with my weight a bit, as you’ve so astutely noted,” said Vlad, haughtily.  “I am, however, addressing this … Not that it’s any of your business.”

Sensing an opportunity, the man pressed for an advantage in the conversation — and in his fate.  His dog settled down to listen in on the discussion.

“I work out myself,” said the man.  “Maybe I can help.  What are you doing?  Pilates?  Zumba?”

“I fly around a bit more than I used to,” conceded the vampire.  “And I try to watch what I eat.”

Exactly!” exclaimed the man, now confident in his safety.  “You really shouldn’t dine on me — I’m high in calories!  I know you can’t die from heart disease or diabetes, but you want to feel your best, don’t you?  And you want to look nice for Elvira at the Monster’s Ball, I’ll bet?”

Vlad soberly reflected on the man’s words.  Feeling rumbly in his tummy, he muttered to himself, “bloody diet!”  But despite the hunger in his core, he knew there was truth in the message.

“You have saved Vlad from himself this night,” said the demon spawn with a resigned sigh.  “I wish to honor this, by sparing your life.”

The man let out a deep breath — he was visibly relieved.  Relief turned to despair, however, when Vlad reached down and grabbed the pet Chihuahua by its collar and lifted it to his lips.

As he floated away with his alternate prey, the vampire bid the man farewell.

“Enjoy the remainder of your life, my friend,” called out Vlad.  “I will pass on you for breakfast, and settle for this small, healthy snack instead!”

THE END

Copyright 2012

Things Are Just What They Seem To Be

•October 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Classic optical illusion showing either a pretty young lady or an old hag

Martina … just as she seems to be to Stephan.
A classic optical illusion borrowed from the interwebs.

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  3 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  2/5 Ghosts

“Did you just see that?” asked Martina.

“Yeah … weird!” Stephan replied. “That woman looks like she has two heads!”

The form that he described had emerged from a shop and moved briskly down the path, away from the young couple.  In the quickly dimming evening, light and shadow seemed to play tricks on the eyes.

“That’s probably just a baby on her shoulder, looking back at us,” Stephan said.  The riverfront walk took them past a baby boutique — the shop that the strange-shaped woman had emerged from.  His notion was confirmed.

“Y’know, though, sometimes things are just what they seem to be,” he remarked.

“What do you mean,” asked Martina.

“Well, it’s kind of like when you are in your house, and you think you hear someone walking around your house.  Sometimes it’s just the building settling as the wood timbers shrink after a hot day,” he said.  “And sometimes it really is someone — or something — hoofing across your upstairs!”

Stephan was clearly trying to put a mild spook into his girl, perhaps hoping she’d cuddle closer to him in the twilight evening.  But his story seemed to piqué her playful side instead.

“I know what you mean!” Martina said, excitedly — allowing herself to get caught up in the spirit of the fall twilight and the conversation.  “Like when I think my cat winks at me — maybe she just closed and opened one of her eyes, and maybe we shared a moment and she winked at me.  I always thought that might be the case, but then I’d tell myself, ‘that can’t be!'”

“Exactly,” said Stephan.  “Whenever you find yourself saying, ‘that couldn’t be,’ or ‘things just aren’t what they seem,’ or ‘I swear I just saw … ‘ chances are things are what they seem to be.”

“So when you’re walking down a lonely street, and you think you’re being followed — until you turn around to find leaves rustling in the gutters?” she asked.

“Chances are,” was Stephan’s reply.

“You hear voices in the wind but no one’s around?” Martina said, giggling nervously.

“There probably is,” he replied.

“You see a familiar face in a crowd.  It’s your grandpa.  Except he’s been dead for 5 years?”

“Yes.”

“Branches blowing against the window pane.  Or is it bony skeletal fingers tap, tap tapping?”

“How will you ever know?”

Caught up in the fun of the shared moment, Stephan stopped and turned to Martina; to lovingly look upon her in the pooled lamplight where she stood.

But where he thought she’d been walking beside him a moment before, instead there was a haggard, ancient woman, with a bent nose and a large, hairy mole on her chin.  In a state of surprise, he visibly shuddered at the sight.

“What’s the matter love?” asked Martina — but the voice came from behind him.  Stephan quickly twirled around to where Martina was now standing in the dim twilight.  He looked back to the pool of lamplight, but there was no one there.

Stephan was almost at a loss for what to say.

“That’s the weirdest thing.”  He looked behind him again, and back toward Martina.  “I swear I just saw … ” then he stopped himself mid-sentence with a chuckle.

“There, there, Stephan; have a sip of the herbal smoothie I made for you,” said Martina.  “You’ll feel much better about things if you do.”

“If I didn’t know better,” said Stephan before taking a large gulp of the foamy brew, “I’d think this was an enchanted love potion you were pushing onto me.”  He took another long draught of the mixture, which had fruity tones over a warm base, which mildly resembled seaweed.

Martina stepped forward toward her beau and into the circle of light in which he stood.  To Stephan, she was as radiant, young and beautiful as he’d ever seen her.

“Yes, love,” said the young-at-heart Martina.  “Sometimes, things are just what they seem to be!

THE END

Copyright 2012

The Zentai Phenomenon: Serial Killer No. 2

•October 22, 2012 • 1 Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon brings back the serial storytelling style, which peaked in popularity in the daily newspapers and weekly magazines of the early 20th Century, prior to the advent of a large and literate middle class and inexpensive printing of books — and particularly, of paperback books.  This serial presents a standard Scurry Tails short story, but will do so over time between Oct. 14 and Nov. 1.  The series will use a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events it represents.  Come back often or click Follow below to be sure to receive each new posting in the story as it’s published!

Tell Time:  3 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  1/5 Ghosts

A distorted face through zentai material

Material in Zentai Suits Offers Promise to Military, Medical Research

By Jack Johansen

ROCKVILLE, Md. (PA News, Oct. 22, 2012) — The break-through material behind a Halloween costume fad that is sweeping the nation holds incredible promise for a variety of industries, including the military and medicine.

The material in question is found in the colorful zentai full-body stocking costumes distributed by Xeno Imports. Beyond bright colors, a body-hugging fit and a full-body cut, no other zentai costume has the same characteristic material sought by leading researchers in a variety of fields.

While the military itself is being coy about its research, the applications of which would capitalize on the features of the material, analysts told us that the Xeno material has a host of possible military applications.

“We believe our armed forces are exploring the Zentai material for its potential in uniforms, from revolutionary new camouflage systems to lightweight body armor that can be integrated into regular uniforms instead of worn on top, where today’s systems weigh a soldier down and restrict movement,” said Tammy Johnson, senior analyst at the defense think tank PKI.

“We even hear that the Air Force is looking into the material as a skin for their aircraft,” Johnson added. “If the promise of the lightweight, strong and durable fabric holds true — especially if there is an added stealth benefit to its refractive powers — then we could see increases in speed and performance in these aircraft on a scale that would put us into a fifth generation of fighter jets — based on the skin alone.”

Some had speculated that the mystery material originated in the defense arena and leaked into the commercial arena where it was quickly adopted by costumers, but Johnson refutes that.

“This is one of those rare instances where the commercial sector beat defense to a new technology,” she said. “Defense researchers around the globe — in Great Britain, Germany, Israel, Russia, Syria, India, China and Japan — are all experimenting with the material. They all know it has wide applicability, and all of them want to exploit it to a military advantage.”

Indeed, it’s perhaps demand by global military powers that is driving demand and keeping costumers short-handed this Halloween season.

Clinical researchers are also affecting supply and demand, by also exploring the possibilities of the cloth.

Reed Hoskins, a medical research fellow at Witt Maltheau Memorial Hospital in Baltimore, is exploring the fabric as a proxy for human skin for use in medical grafts and for suturing surgical and non-surgical wounds.

“It’s still early yet, but we’ve been able to show in a petri dish that natural skin accepts the Xeno graft,” said Hoskins.  “This solution prevents taking natural skin from other parts of the body — which causes injury, risk of infection and disfigurement at that site.

“If it works in clinical trials, our next step will be to ensure we have proper zentai colors on hand to prevent a burn victim from having a big purple patch on his face for the rest of his life,” he added.

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click here to read the previous / first story installment.  Click here to read the next story installment.

The Zentai Phenomenon: Serial Killer No. 1

•October 14, 2012 • Leave a Comment

By Jeffrey Bishop

The Zentai Phenomenon brings back the serial storytelling style, which peaked in popularity in the daily newspapers and weekly magazines of the early 20th Century, prior to the advent of a large and literate middle class and inexpensive printing of books — and particularly, of paperback books.  This serial presents a standard Scurry Tails short story, but will do so over time between today and Nov. 1.  The series will use a news clipping motif to “cover” the story in “real time” with the fictional events it represents.  Come back often or click Follow to be sure to receive each new posting in the story as it’s published!

Tell Time:  4 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  1/5 Ghosts

Four women wearing leotards and zentai suits.

Four women wearing leotards and zentai suits. Borrowed via Creative Commons license, prior to the arrival of our suits in the mail for subsequent images — but it’s a fairly creepy picture in its own special way, isn’t it?

Zentai Craze Causes a New ‘Run’ on Body Stockings

By Rich Donaldson

CHICAGO (PA News, Oct. 14, 2012) — The zentai phenomenon is literally covering the nation, as children, teens and young adults seek out — within increasing futility — the latest costume craze.

A lack of supply is leading to extreme frustration by those trying to find the garb in the weeks leading up to Halloween.  Zentai outfits are a cultural import from Asia and are a staple of the performance theater and cosplay, or costume-play, communities.  The form-fitting full-body stockings are typically made in bright, solid colors from spandex-like materials.

“They’re just awesome, because you can be a plain old zentai foot soldier, or you can dress up on top of the zentai suit,” said Rob Masterson, a 7th grade student at White Hill Middle School.  “That makes them perfect for Halloween.  Just add a Stetson and some boots and a lasso, and you can be a zentai cowboy like me!”

Melissa, a senior at Rockville High School and the cheer team captain, has been canvassing city costumers, seeking a maroon costume to match her school colors for next week’s homecoming game.

“I haven’t been able to find maroon.  I saw plenty of them in the shops this spring, but I never would have thought they’d sell out of them!” she said.  “I bought a couple other suits in other colors while I still could, in case I find someone who wants to trade with me.  But now I think I can get a lot of cash for these!”

Bob Cagney, of Cagney’s Costumes, said that while the costumes are just another fad, it’s one that has been profitable for him — to a point.

“Every time I get a shipment, they sell out,” said Cagney.  “It’s great, but it ain’t, because I can’t tell you when I’ll get more of them in.  And while the fad is hot, no one’s buying anything else.  You know how many gorilla costumes I got in the warehouse?  A zillion?  No one wants to be a gorilla.  If anything, they want to be a blue gorilla; a guy in a blue zentai with a gorilla mask on.  It’s killing us!”

Cagney indicated that his distributor for the zentai suits is Xeno Imports, a company apparently shrouded in mystery.  Retail costumers like Cagney and others indicate that they’d never heard of or worked with Xeno before mid-summer, but now work exclusively with the firm for their zentai costume needs.

“None of those other suits are like Xeno’s zentai suits,” said Ed Horton, owner of the Scare Shack chain of seasonal Halloween superstores.  “Xeno’s suits don’t seem to stain or rip, and they’re warm to the touch and they fit onto your skin just like it was your own skin.  It isn’t like spandex or nylon; it’s something special that they came up with themselves.  And the kids know the difference.”

Of the 22 costumers in the Chicago area that we spoke to for this story, each one reported that their relationship with the distributor started with a single complementary shipment of 6 suits — one in each primary rainbow color.  Once the suits sold out — which normally happened the same day they were put out on the floor — a Xeno sales representative would show up and lock in follow-on orders — an easy prospect given their explosive popularity.

“The suits are real cool,” said Dan Pulver, a Scare Shack manager, “and so are their reps.  They glide in, tell you how many they think you need, tell you when you can expect them, and glide out.  They don’t even want payment for the suits up front; they want them on purchase order only.  They say they want happy retailers, and they know their products are going to move.  It was working out great until the shipments slowed to a trickle.

But the logistics slow-down isn’t limited to just the Scare Shack.  All calls to the only phone number available for Xeno Imports went unanswered.  Cagney said that’s a typical response from the company, which to his experience — an experience shared by all the other companies that we spoke with — only deal through their cadre of mysterious field representatives.

Cagney said he worries that Xeno has nefarious intentions this Halloween season: that the company might be manipulating inventories to drive up demand — and prices.

“I just hope we get a big box in here in the next week to prove me wrong,” said Cagney grimly.  “Otherwise, it’s going to be a really scary Halloween for us.”

###

THE END

Copyright 2012

Click here to read the next story installment.

The Thing With Locks

•October 7, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Old deadbolt lock with evil energy getting past it

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  8 minutes
Scare Rating:  4/5 Ghosts

As the moving truck rumbled away from the curb, Beth shut the door firmly and turned the heavy deadbolt on the front door, securing herself safely behind the heavy oak door of her new home.  She did so in the belief that it would keep out the dangers of her past.

That deadbolt alone had sold her on the house.  It’s heavy, dull brass finish — warm and solid — was a promise of a new start.

“That’s the thing with locks: they’re great at keeping things out,” she thought to herself.

All the same, the young woman went through the house room by room, inspecting the window locks to make sure that each was also securely closed.  Fully confident of her safety, she returned to the front room, to a small dozen or so of cardboard boxes that contained all of her worldly belongings.

“You’re really quite ridiculous, Beth,” she chided herself over the compulsive behavior with the locks.  Though she was alone, she couldn’t help but feel a tad embarrassed.  “He’s locked away behind bars.  He doesn’t even know where you are.  He can’t hurt you any more.”

She tore a strip of tape off the first box.  Somewhere in one of those boxes was the bedding she’d need to find before turning in for the night, and the coffee pot she’d need in the morning.  Everything else could wait to be put in its rightful place.  But it was early yet — the sun was just going down — and Beth was suddenly energized at the prospects of a fresh start to her life.  So she started with putting her living room together first.

In leaving her old life, her old house, Beth had already made tough decisions.  She had left behind — no, destroyed — the remnants of her unpleasant past.  So what she unpacked — her personal effects — were special.  The rosewood jewelry box her father had made for her for her 16th birthday.  The box of photos from college — of her friends, at parties and at football games.  The fish-bowl biome with the hen-and-chicks she’d bought at the botanical gardens with her aunt.  She smiled at each recollection, and also at herself, as she realized at one point that she had been whistling even.

She was engrossed in her work — in her memories — and put together the living room, her bedroom and her bathroom in quick succession.  Spent and satisfied with what she’d accomplished, she stood from amidst the pile of newsprint and flattened cardboard that surrounded her, rising with a tall stretch before softly padding to the kitchen on bare feet for something to eat.

En route to the refrigeration and the half of a cheese pizza and two grape sodas that the movers hadn’t been able to finish, Beth glanced at the clock on the stove.  She noticed it read “12:00.”

“That can’t be right — it can’t be past 9 o’clock!” she said aloud.  Beth dug through her purse to find her watch; she’d need it to re-set the stove clock.  Drawing the bracelet out, she peered into its digital face, then gasped.  In its own green-blue glow, the watch also shone “12:00.”

“Very odd,” she thought to herself — still calm despite the coincidence of the two clocks in steadfast agreement with each other, but in apparent disagreement with reality.  But she almost jumped out of her skin as a bell tolled from the belfry of a neighborhood church.  Beth sat down on her bed and listened to the somber gonging sound, counting the toll.

“One.

Two.

Three.”

All the way up to …

“Twelve,” she said with awe-struck finality.  “It can’t be twelve!”

At that moment, the lights flickered, then went out.  Beth let out a little shriek, then composed herself. She jumped off the bed to investigate.

Padding back toward the kitchen, Beth noticed lights coming in from the street through her living room window.  She walked to the pane and peered out, only to find a cheery scene, as every house in the neighborhood still had power.  On the corner, a bright blue-white glow spilled onto the pavement from the municipal lamppost.  There wasn’t bad weather to take out the power; perhaps there’d been a power surge — a blown breaker.

As if to try to confirm her suspicion, there suddenly came a clattering, rattling sound from the basement– then stopped.  As a gush of breath poured out of her mouth, Beth realized she’d been holding her breath.  But then the clattering started again.

Beth found her purse again — this time in the dark — and fumbled blindly for her key chain, which also held a flashlight.  Now duly armed against the oppressive dark, she made her way to the basement door at the back of the house.

As she opened the door, Beth hesitated.  She saw a faint greenish glow — not a comforting light at all — and heard a distant whooshing sound — like the sound of air coming through a cave or a tunnel.  The clanging sound also started again — louder now for the fact that she was closer to it.

“I’ve gotta find that breaker box, so I can get the lights back on,” she said aloud; firmly, as if to embolden herself.

Beth quickly clambered down the worn wooden steps.  She wanted to get the chore over; it was starting to feel like her good day was taking a bad turn.

At the bottom of the stairs, she wheeled around the corner to the open, unfinished room, and froze.  In the beam of her flashlight were three dark forms.  They seemed to ooze up out of the ground, bobbing and floating in front of a swirling orb of green light.  Each thing was black as pitch — the light from behind them did nothing to illuminate them, neither did her flashlight beam; instead, they seemed to swallow up all light as if it could be vacuumed up.

Unable to do anything more than just stare, Beth noticed their eyes — or what should have been eyes.  Instead, at that place on their faces, the blackness was torn, and she could see the green portal-like glow through the dark shape.  And, as those eyes narrowed toward on her form, she quickly realized the things could see her.

Beth didn’t know what was in her basement; she only knew that she had to get out of there.  Fast.

She turned and bolted up the stairs, but tripped and fell halfway up.  Her head struck the top step with the full force of her fall, and she felt warm blood trickle down her face.  She also felt an icy cold grip on her ankle.

“No!” She shrieked at the thing that had a hold of her.  She snapped her leg up and away, and felt icy slices through her flesh as the thing released its grip.  But she was free again!

Bounding up the steps, she made for the heavy oak door.  Her hands were shaking as she twisted the knob frantically.  With no result.

“It’s locked!” she remembered.  As she reached up to twist the lock free, she instead fell to her knees, screaming in agony.  The thing had caught up with her, and this time took her down with a hard swipe of its dark claws.  It recoiled again at Beth’s second anguished scream — but not nearly so much as it had in the basement.  It might not have liked the sound, but it had figured out that it couldn’t be hurt by her screams.

She clambered to her feet with her remaining strength, nearly slipping on her own blood that quickly pooled at her feet.  She firmly grabbed the latch, and gave it a hard twist.  Nothing happened.  The lock — the solid, secure, hardened brass lock that she’d loved for its security –wouldn’t budge.  Whether due to age or some supernatural intervention, the lock was solidly at home in its casing.

Beth had escaped one terror only to encounter a second, evil one — in the safety of her own home.  And while that former one had been locked away, she was now locked in with this new one.  She knew that she was going to die.

Her final thought was rich in irony.

“That’s the thing with locks:  They’re great at keeping things out.  And they’re great at keeping things in.”

THE END

Copyright 2012

‘How-to’ Awesome Neckerchief Slide Designs — Scurry Tails Style!

•October 2, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Neckerchief slide carved as a bald eagle

By Jeffrey Bishop

As a general rule, boys like knives and boys like to carve and whittle with those knives.

Most of the time, what they end up with after a few hours of carving around a camp fire is a sharp, de-barked stick — really only good for hurting themselves or another boy.

Scouts (and all youths — boys and girls alike) can put their developing knife skills to work on something a bit more productive and useful, by carving for themselves a nifty neckerchief slide, like the one pictured above that my favorite Webelos II made for himself with some scrap wood and about 2 hours of a Saturday.

Download the attached worksheet for instructions and patterns you can print out and take on your next camp out or den / troop meeting:
Scurry Tails Neckerchief Pattern — Set A

For a new template set, published spring 2013, check out the following as well:

Scurry Tails Neckerchief Pattern — Set B

Note that both pattern templates look “muddy” when viewed in our Firefox browser, but appear fine in Explorer and Chrome; our apologies for any difficulty with this.

Instructions:

  • Use an easy-to-carve wood like bass wood in at least a ½” thickness
  • Transfer the pattern to the wood and use a coping saw to cut the blank
  • Carve in the round (Scouts should have Whittling Chip / Totin’ Chip and appropriate supervision)
  • Sand and paint or stain and seal
  • Epoxy ½” PVC tube section or screw ½” copper pipe hanger to backside to complete neckerchief slide

Got a cool picture of your own neckerchief slide to share?  Let us know how we can see it and we’ll check it out — we might even feature it in a follow-up post!

THE END

Copyright 2012

My, What Big Words You Use!

•September 24, 2012 • 2 Comments

Aged view of the dictionary definition for Wunderkind

By Jeffrey Bishop

Just as grandma’s big eyes, ears and teeth spelled danger for Little Red Riding Hood, conventional wisdom suggests that writers who use big words in their stories risk endangering their readership, by alienating their audiences.

Indeed, in the worlds of both journalism and public relations, the rule is to write to the level of the “lowest common denominator” of your audience — which in itself is an ironic prescription since “denominator,” at five syllables and 11 letters, isn’t exactly discrete.

Today’s paid copywriters typically aim for an 8th grade reading level.  Given the state of education today, that isn’t much more advanced than what our parents and grandparents enjoyed in their “Dick and Jane” readers.

Should fiction writers follow the same advice — particularly writers of youth-oriented stories (like those at Scurry Tails)?  Do big or advanced words have any place is such stories?  Should the best “big word” be replaced with an adequate simple word so as to not flummox developing readers?

I must admit I’m torn on the issue.  Accessibility by the broadest swath of readers might suggest lower-level language.  But I can also credit the quality of my present vocabulary in large part to formerly unknown words first read in the books I consumed in my youth.  For example: I picked up a small but uncommon (and now somewhat anachronistic) word “scowl” from Beverly Cleary’s works.

We’ve used a share of advanced words in some of our stories here, as the following examples illustrate:

Phosphorescent, from The Secret of the Mud Cave:  “We think that they must be some sort of phosphorescent life form.”
Wunderkind, from Dr. Zombie:  “‘There’s one last thing to share with you before your transformation,’ the morbid doctor added menacingly – the charitable wunderkind doctor was no longer in the room.”
– Even this piece — which, granted, is meant more for adult Scurry Tails readers than young ones — uses higher-level words like anachronistic and prerogative.

So what is a reader to do when he or she comes across a big, scary new word?

– In some cases, a vague understanding of the sentence — despite not knowing one of the big words within it — can keep the reader on pace with the story.

– Often, clues from the story’s context can even make the meaning of the word plain.

– When the answer can’t be pulled from the story, moms and dads are often ready with an answer.

– Barring that, there’s always the dictionary.  This last option — formerly the most difficult — is not such a problem these days.  It’s easier than ever to look up unknown words online — or even within an e-reader:  just double-tap the cryptic word in the copy, and a dictionary definition appears on screen, right there within the story.

To take a position on the issue, I suggest that in general, the level of the language used needs to match that of the intended audience, noting that authors are trying to connect with readers through story — they are not Language Arts teachers.  At the same time,  it’s the author’s prerogative to use the best words for the meaning, tone and poetic effect he or she is striving for — and sometimes these will be big, complex or unfamiliar words.  If this occasionally sends a young reader to the dictionary for help, there’s goodness in that — as a secondary function of literature — as well.

What do you think?  Are you a writer, and do you consciously think about the difficulty of words that you use?  As a reader — young or old — what do you do when you meet a scary new word?  Let us know your reaction to this editorial piece in the comments!

THE END

Copyright 2012

What’s More Scary Than Scary?

•September 21, 2012 • Leave a Comment
Seeing the android inside Justin Bieber

Robo-Bieber.  Inside, he’s all android. What’s more scary than that?
Original photo: Creative Commons / Daniel Ogren

By Jeffrey Bishop

Tell Time:  3 minutes 30 seconds
Scare Rating:  4/5 Ghosts

“What’s more scary than scary?” Janelle asked her friends, who sat in a tight circle in the darkened basement.  The only light was the reddish glow of the flashlight, held at a creepy angle under the girl’s chin.

“We don’t know!  What’s more scary than scary?” replied the friends in unison, the perfunctory rote reply fully necessary to hear the answer.

“What’s more scary than scary is this: seeing a rotted, worm-eaten face right in front of you … ” Janelle said in a spooky voice.  ” … then, realizing you are looking in a mirror!”

“Eww!” said the girls in reaction.  “Nasty!” More than one girl shuddered, and it seemed as though the dark circle got tighter.

A look of satisfaction spread across Janelle’s face as she passed the flashlight to Amber, who sat beside her.

“Ok, ready? What’s more scary than scary?” Amber asked.  In sing-song unison, the girls reflected the question.

“What’s more scary than scary?” they asked.

“What’s more scary than scary is this:  Meeting Justin Bieber, and hearing him confide in you his deepest secrets:  that he is an evil android bent on world domination!”

The girls burst out in laughter at Amber’s joke, which lightened their spirits a little against the dread of the dark game.

Next up was Mary Beth, who had been the one who had suggested the game to her friends.  She took the flashlight from Amber and waited quietly for everyone else to calm down again.

With rapt attention, she asked her friends the question:  “What’s more scary than scary?” she spoke in a low voice — so low that it was almost imperceptible.

“What’s more scary than scary?” replied the girls, also in a low voice, as they followed Mary Beth’s lead in returning the game to its intended dark mood.

“What’s more scary than scary is this,” said Mary Beth.  “What’s more scary than scary is being lured into a dark basement by a dear friend. What’s even more scary is being trapped in that basement and unable to escape.”

Suddenly, the door to the basement slammed shut by itself, followed by the loud click of a sturdy boltlock sliding home.  In the dim light, the other girls looked at each other nervously.

“What’s all the more scary is feeling the adrenaline flood your body, but knowing that fright, not flight, is your only option,” said Mary Beth, who at this point seemed to be entranced.

“Ok, that’s enough.  Who’s next?” asked Amber nervously. But Mary Beth continued speaking.

“What’s scariest of all,” she said, standing up and looming tall over the girls, “is knowing that adrenaline and fear is only sweetening the flavors of the blood coursing through your tender veins!”

As the girls looked on in terror, Mary Beth bared long yellow fangs at the corners of her ruby-red lips, then let out a carnal shriek.  The sound froze the girls motionless; they were unable to resist becoming a feast for the young vampiress who had been their friend only moments before.

As Mary Beth sank her fangs into Janelle’s neck, she gurgled the last words they’d ever hear:

“What’s more scary than that?”

THE END

Copyright 2012