My Top 10 Real-World Frights

My top 10 real-world frights, in no particular order. What are yours? We need at least three more to get to 13!

1) This woman, who’s trying to take over the world. She’s Jack’s wife. She’s a bouncer. She’s Mrs. Dracula. She’s a bodysnatcher who’s taken over Flo. And now, she’s taking over the world. One commercial at a time.

2) Bee colony collapse disorder. No bees, no food, no life. Game over.

#NabiscoFail

3) Incredible shrinking products. Less product is fine. Raising prices is fine. But a big concave scoop on the bottom of the peanut butter jar, or a half-empty box of crackers for less product and higher prices. Do you really think you’re tricking us into thinking it’s the same amount of product? Not fine. #NabiscoFail

4) Texting drivers. Dee Stracted, Lane Lever and Al Thoms. They scare the mess out of me.

5). The dark. Scaring mankind for millennia. Still so very good at it. Don’t believe me? Just try this experiment in your basement. Walk down in the light. Turn off the light. Walk up the stairs. You’ll be running by the top step. Guaranteed.

6). Ebola. It’s back. Want to understand the terror of Ebola? Just read “The Hot Zone.” More frightening than any of Stpehen King’s writings. Don’t believe me? Ask him yourself: when he reviewed the book, he described it as, “one of the most horrifying things I’ve ever read.”

7) Opossums. Most would say sloths, but you’ll never meet a sloth on a dark night in your back yard. I did as a boy, and I will never forget it. Picture a giant-rabid-mutant-zombie-ghost-rat. That’s a possum.

8) Bug, snake or spider. Every person on the planet’s scared of at least one of these. I’m cool with snakes and even spiders, unless they sneak up on me. And most bugs are ok, although cockroaches kinda skeeve me out. But the monster amongst them? Ticks. Shudder!

9) Slender Man. My son downloaded a Slender Man game, based on the meme, and before I knew it, I was stumbling in the same dark woods that the Blair Witch wasnt filmed in. Creeped me out, and it was a sunny spring afternoon when we did it. We ended up exorcising the computer to fully get rid of that demon. I wish the two 12-year-old girls had, too.

10) Sleep deprivation. Makes you a whole ‘nother, scary person!

What doesn’t scare me? The Devil. Imagine that pathetic, blustering kid on the playground, insisting he’s still playing a ball game – to win – long after the other team has already won – and gone home in celebration! Sorry dude – just go home. Game’s over – and you lost!

THE END